"It's not like it was even our car!"
-- Francis (Christopher Masterson) (in flashback), Malcolm (Frankie Muniz)
Jackpot. "Malcolm in the Middle" is a riot. It's a nice blend of surrealism, youthful enthusiasm, and faithfulness to the broad genre of gifted children. A junior version of "Freaks and Geeks" it's not--it's a much more light-hearted perspective--which is great. The last thing we need is more knock-offs of existing series.
Look, it's just frickin' funny, okay? Use the evil scroll bar like Xerox and Apple intended you to... :-)
"Now you are going to be friends with that crippled boy, and you're going
to like it, understood?"
-- Mom
"Every day is a lottery, and first prize is you that don't have to
scoot yourself around town on a skateboard with your hands, think
about that!"
"I don't take my legs for granted, mom!"
"I know honey, you're a good boy. Stop playing with yourself."
-- Mom, Dewey (Eric Per Sullivan)
"Okay, I ran out of ham, one of you has to have egg salad!"
-- Mom
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"Dad, I know what you're going to say, and believe me, I totally agree
with you! There is no excuse for what I did. It was idiotic, immature,
totally reckless, and I'm really... sorry. I'm just hoping against hope
that you will give me another chance, which I admit I don't deserve.
If you could just find it in your heart to forgive me, I know I could
earn your trust back." "It's not like it was even our car!" -- Francis (Christopher Masterson) (in flashback), Malcolm (Frankie Muniz) |
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"All right, here's how it works. You can beg for mercy on your belly,
lick the bottom of my shoes, or take a beating. You *must* pick at
least two. But, but but! If you pick 3, you get a pass for the next
two weeks. All right? That's your best value!" -- Dave Spath (Vincent Berry) |
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"Are you Malcolm?"
"Yes, but I didn't do anything!"
-- Carolyn Miller, Malcolm
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"The car's shadow's going the wrong way, the steering wheel's on the
wrong side, there's no brake pedal, the words in the mirror should be
backwards, the guy's watch wouldn't say 12:00 if he's looking at a
sunset, and I have red paint on my ass! That's right, red paint
all over my ass!" -- Malcolm |
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"Mom says... TV makes you... stupid."
"No, TV makes you NORMAL! [aside] How can they do that to him? He's
in a wheelchair!"
-- Stevie Kenarban (Craig Lamar Traylor), Malcolm
"Two of you can have slices of pizza for lunch. The other one can have...
I don't know, I think they're peas."
-- Mom
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"Hey Francis, how's school?" "Oh, couldn't be better, mom! My new roommate showed me how to kill mice with a hammer yesterday, so you know between that and the general atmosphere of simmering homoeroticism, I think I'm really starting to turn around." -- Mom, Francis |
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"They're just boobs, lady! You've seen 'em in the mirror every morning.
And I'm sure yours are a lot nicer than mine."
-- Mom
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"Who's the baby now?!" -- Dewey |
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"Malcolm's special? Where do you think that came from?"
-- Dad (Hal) (Bryan Cranston)
"There is nothing wrong with being smart! And there's nothing wrong
with being cut from the herd! It makes you the one buffalo that isn't
there when the indians run the rest of them off the cliff!"
"[aside] Huh?!!"
-- Mom, Malcolm
"You boys are so lucky, you have so many gifts other kids don't have,
and I don't just mean Stevie Kenarban, either. I mean, look at the
Parker boys across the street. They may be healthy, but honest to God
those are the ugliest little boys ever born! They look like boiled
beets, don't you think? And those Henderson kids, that electrocuted
their dog when they were trying to steal cable? How smart can they be?
Just remember, any kid that makes fun of you, is a creepy little loser
who'll end up working in a car wash."
"[aside] This shouldn't make me feel better, but it does."
-- Mom, Malcolm
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"Now, Malcolm may not not look different from the rest of us, but
he is. In his brain." -- Mrs. ? |
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"Around here, being smart, is exactly like being radioactive." -- Malcolm |
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"Dude, you hit a cripple!" "What's your problem? I mean, he's in a wheelchair and he has glasses!" -- Spath's monkey-slave (Dylan Kasch) |
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"A bug went up my nose!" "So what do you want me to do about it?!" -- Dewey, Malcolm |
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"Francis, will you help me decide on my leg extensions? Which one
do you think looks better? Right leg, or left leg?"
"Hmmm... can you... do both?"
-- Francis,
"Mom, I can't eat this stuff anymore"
"Reese, this is not the time for complaining."
"I'm not complaining, I'm constipated!"
-- Reese, Lois
"So we can't do laundry, we have to share baths, and yesterday,
she had our cable turned off! Our cable!"
-- Malcolm
"Dad, no! I can't come home! Marlon Academy is the best thing that
has ever happened to me! I am at a crucial point in my rehabilitation!"
"Uh huh. What's her name?"
"That's the thing, there's like ten of them!"
-- Francis, Hal
"Anyone want the last olive?"
"Those aren't olives! Those are peaches!"
-- Lois, Hal
"I don't know why mom makes me get up at 8. School doesn't even start
'till 8:15!"
-- Malcolm
"What are you doing?"
"Nothing!"
"You look different."
"I took a shower."
"I knew it!"
-- Malcolm, Reese
"Were you crying?"
"No, I was reading!"
"You don't read!"
"Just shut the door, Krelboyne!"
[...]
"Ha! You're crying! Oh man, you're crying. You don't want to talk
about it, do you?"
"It's about a girl!"
"I should've just walked away."
-- Malcolm, Reese
"Reese, you're a guy. Guy cheerleaders are the lowest of the low!
Worse than band, worse than Krelboynes, the only thing lower is
that guy who never takes his hand out of his butt!"
-- Malcolm
"I tried to help him. I gave him advice. I tried reasoning with
him. There's only one thing left to do. Sit back and laugh my
ass off!"
-- Malcolm
"Oh my God. I'm a Krelboyne with a brother who's a cheerleader.
I could wet my pants in public, and it would be a lateral move!"
-- Malcolm
"I'm just not coordinated unless I'm hitting somebody!"
-- Reese
"You can't quit! I worked too hard for you to quit now!"
"I hate to inform you, brain-boy, but this isn't about you, it's about me!"
"That's before I spent an entire day with your hand up my ass!
You owe me!"
-- malcolm, Reese
"Do not imagine, however, that this is for children only. The combination
of title and subject matter, one fears, will scare off adults in the
same way that ABC's 'Sports Night' scares off women, although 'Malcolm
in the Middle' is certainly preferable to creator-executive producer
Linwood Boomer's admitted second choice, 'Fighting in Underpants.'"
-- Steve Johnson, "Welcome 'Malcolm'", Chicago Tribune 5 Jan 2000