"Our country, right or wrong. When right, to be kept right; when wrong,
to be put right."
-- Carl Schurz, before the Anti-Imperialistic Conference in 1899
"Please choke on a bucket of cocks. Thank you."
-- jwz dismissing
an asshole 26 May 2003
"How many phone calls do I have to make to get me to the person who
knows how to turn a Datsun into a MOAB?"
-- Warren Ellis, brainstorming on a truly useful version of
Friendster 23 May 2003
"Most normal kids get visits from the Tooth Fairy or Santa
Clause. Not I. I get visits from the Trojan Man. I came home this morning
to find a pack of condoms laying on my bed. I love my parents."
-- Jason Markovitz, on the eve of his departure for the Bahamas 22 Mar 2003
"CSI is about invincible robots hunting you down with implacable
determination from the analysis of the faded and ephemeral
fart you released at the crime scene."
-- Warren Ellis on his Bad
Signal mailing list 20 Jan 2002
"Then it occurred to me that I was standing there pissing on Nancy
Reagan's life work, and that made me feel better about it."
-- Jamie Zawinski on "Just Say No" urinal puck holders Jul 2002
"Adults are just obsolete children, and to hell with them."
-- Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
"Haley Joel Osment is SUPERB--he deserves a medal, a
monument, and a cookie for his acting"
-- Ian Serotkin in an everything2 node about "A.I." 30 Jun 2001
"Digital files cannot be made uncopyable, any more than water can be
made not wet."
-- Bruce Schneier, on the inevitable failure of attempts by the entertainment
industry and governments to stop the copying of digital media 15 May 2001
"Anywhere I can buy a new mousepad, a bottle of hair dye, a rifle,
ski mask, bullets, new york strip steak, and a pair of silver faux
silk boxer shorts at 3:30am is rad in my book."
-- Juliet, in an everything
writeup on Super
Wal-Mart I wonder if she's ever been to Meijer? Does Meijer
sell guns too? 2 Mar 2000
"There is far too little joy in the world, and some of the best
of it came from Douglas Adams."
-- Joe Straczynski on the occasion of Adams' death
14 May 2001
"Where innocent, sexually ignorant children go to die in boiling vats
of hormones, which are then used to create adolescents. Sort of like
Logan's Run, but it ain't fiction."
-- pulp, in an everything writeup
on puberty
13 Nov 1999
"The difference between us old farts and
those younger bands is they're into jerking off, and we're into fucking."
-- Steven Tyler (Aerosmith), during the making of 1989's "Pump"
"Going forward, and in the interests of bringing closure to this pressing
issue, I'd suggest Mr. Ylonen piss up a Rope(TM)-brand rope."
-- Mike
Muise, on Slashdot, addressing
Tatu Ylonen's call for the OpenSSH
project to stop using the SSH "trademark"
14 Feb 2001
"Usenet is the equivalent of an old west saloon. Certain strong
personalities tend to dominate, and every so often somebody says
something that becomes the electronic equivalent of that moment when
the piano player stops playing... people look over their shoulders
slowly... one guy slowly gets up... and there's the sound of chairs
being pushed hurriedly away and the stampeding of non-combatants
getting out of the way. The only difference is, imagine the two
duelists facing each other... and everybody else in the bar is tossing
spitballs at them from corners of the room."
-- Peter David
"A Porsche? Candy-apple red? No. They should be going so fast the
visible light spectrum shifts."
-- Jill Barrett
"It means your opinions are so wrongheaded that I am sarcastically
offering you the opportunity to perform oral sex on me. Hope that
helps."
-- Jamie Zawinski, explaining the meaning of "oh, blow me" to someone
on the Evolution list, April 2000
"To hook up with chicks
You need to hone your "m4d sk1llz"
And stop jerking off."
-- Anonymous Coward [slashdot] IRCnet Servers To Strike... 6 Apr 2000
"If there is any fixed star in our constitutional constellation, it is
that no official, high or petty, can prescribe what shall be orthodox
in politics, nationalism, religion, or other matters of opinion or force
citizens to confess by word or act their faith therein."
-- US Supreme Court Justice Robert Jackson, writing for the majority,
West Virginia Board of Education vs. Barnette, 1943, forbidding
forcibly requiring school students to recite the Pledge of Allegiance
"In the 80's guys stuffed socks in their underwear. Now guys tweak
their jpgs in an image editing program. I think that qualifies
as progress."
-- John Halcyon Styn,
commenting
on this year's SXSW Interactive Award Show 14 Mar 2000
"Perpetual childhood is not so much about avoiding responsibility,
maturity, or even ignoring the evils of the world. It is an attempt
to perpetuate the mental freedom that is steadily traded for physical
freedom as people grow older (in a society), preserve and further
both in tandem. It is trying to never lose the wonder and exitement of
everything good and pleasant in the world, big or small. There is a degree
of being carefree and innocence, but not through avoidance, ignorance,
self deception, or living in a dream world- that would defeat the goal.
Living for what feels good at heart instead of what is deemed and supposed
to be desireable, not getting dragged down trying to live someone elses
dream. It in fact is exactly laughing and playing as an adult."
-- "Pukesick" writing on Everything 6 Jan 2000
"At first I was enjoying myself. There's something sacred about a man's
first blowjob. It's sort of like a Bar Mitzvah, only without all the
family members, without the reading of the Torah, without the gifts,
and it involves some girl with your dick in her mouth. But the feeling
of becoming a man is much the same, and in both cases you get to dance
the Horah and eat cake (if you're lucky)."
"Zero tolerance really means zero thought."
"I don't see what's so triffic about creating people as people and
then gettin' upset 'cos they act like people. Anyway, if you
stopped tellin' people it's all sorted out after they're dead,
they might try sorting it all out while they're alive."
"If you know you're going to get a bucket of water in the face,
untuck your shirt first."
"It's my feeling that people who don't vote should shut up"
"Keep in mind the environment that these two poor souls were in that
brought them to the breaking point--and took them one whole year in the
process of actually snapping--which is the bottom end of a caste system
that makes the Hindu lifestyle look like the proverbial level playing
ground for all."
"Umm, of course we spend most of our time behind computers--very
few people get to be hackers by hanging out in a dojo."
"They aren't used to paying libertarian millionaires to do shitwork in
the service of authoritarianism; we don't come cheap."
"It makes sense that guilt and dicks follow each other, since
Catholic girls get laid so much."
"Believe me, the allure of growing up is one of the biggest frauds
perpetuated by those who have already sold out & done so."
"Unix doesn't have a monopoly on good ideas, it just owns most of them."
"Everything I did in life that was worthwhile I caught hell for."
"As the company grew, it began to attract a different... caliber of
people; for lack of a better term, let's call them ``losers.''"
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary
safety deserve neither liberty nor safety."
"God grants liberty only to those who love it, and are always ready to
guard and defend it."
"lost HTML
"Never ask what sort of computer a guy drives. If he's a Mac user, he'll
tell you. If not, why embarass him?"
"I don't do .INI, .BAT, .DLL or .SYS files.
"Isn't it ultimately much, much cooler to be a brilliant iconoclast
rather than only wondering where you want to go today?"
"We have no intention of shipping another bloated OS and
shoving it down the throats of our users,"
"I don't hate the Internet, it's just that it's the same fucking
assholes who were fucking illiterates before, it's just now they have
COMPUTERS"
"...we know that we're in the twilight of Western Civilization when Pauly
Shore becomes a star."
"There's only one thing that will make them stop hating you.
And that's being so good at what you do that they can't
ignore you. I told them you were the best. Now you damn
well better be."
"We have to go. I'm almost happy here."
"The company that controls computerized pictures of naked breasts,"
said Marc Andreessen, Netscape senior vice-president of technology,
"is the company that will control the next century."
"This is what you call hubris. Not arrogance, hubris. It's beyond that.
Power people who just are so arrogant they just don't care. They disdain...
accepted methods of doing things. They assume we're all stupid including you--
I mean... the press. They just assume that. That's hubris. That's unyielding
arrogance. That's arrogance gone wild... Insane."
"to be nobody but yourself - in a world which is trying its
hardest, night and day, to make you everyone else - is to fight the
hardest battle any human being can fight; and never stop fighting"
"How about that Rostenkowski? I think he's going to make somebody a
great wife in prison."
"We bundle a number of useful tools from other vendors as part of the CW CD;
this frees us from having to reinvent perfectly good wheels and to focus
on our mission of giving you butt-kicking development tools."
"The box routes, of course (this is cisco, the on-site coffee machines
route)"
"I would love to be quoted as being hated by Martha Siegel.
That would make my day."
"Now I know how the members of Richard Nixon's enemies list must
have felt. It's quite an honor to be hated by Martha Siegel"
"I used to feel like I was a flea on the back of a Tyrannosaurus Rex. Now I
feel I might be a small yapping poodle on the back of a Tyrannosaurus Rex."
"The light at the end of your tunnel is just me coming the other way."
"(You know, one could get the feeling that awk is basically incompatible
with C.)"
"Your stdio isn't very std. Your stdio looks like linux."
"Perl 4 is the best thing since Flav-O-Ice. Perl 5 blows Perl 4 away."
"I have three words for you: I'm proud of you"
"Funny how well you can get to know a girl by just sleeping with her."
"
"And yes, I did once say I wasn't going to do any more development [on
Perl 5.] Just think of this as a very large bug fix."
-- Victor Andersen of fishdot.org,
recounting his first
-- Jesse Jackson 14 Nov 1999
-- Adam Young, the Antichrist, Good Omens, Neil Gaiman &
Terry Pratchett
-- Bill Nye, giving advice at Rensselaer Polytechnic Institute's
commencement May 1999
-- Bill Nye, RPI commencement May 1999
-- David Gonterman, in a
message
in a discussion forum on Littleton
-- Slashdot's Rob (CmdrTaco) Malda,
commenting
on yet another media story about "hackers" written by a lamer 13 Apr 1999
-- John Gilmore, on producing a handful of messages from years' worth
of high-volume mail list traffic to satisfy a federal subpoena in the
United States v. Carl Johnson case 12 Apr 1999
-- suck's Polly Esther,
responding to a letter in
The Fish 7 Apr 1999
-- John Walker 16 Mar 1999
-- Alan Cox, A
Brave New World, 4 Mar 1999
-- former U.S. Supreme Court Chief Justice Earl Warren
-- Jamie Zawinski, on
the growth of Netscape
-- Benjamin Franklin, Historical Review of Pennsylvania, 1759
-- Daniel Webster, 3 Jun 1834
oh where has your homepage gone?
I do not know or care."
-- Dave Terrell's 404 response 2 Dec 97
-- Tom Clancy
I don't assign apps to files.
I don't configure peripherals or networks before using them.
I have a computer to do all that.
I have a Macintosh, not a hobby."
-- Fritz Anderson, seen on the Macinsider
web site 21 Oct 97
-- Don Crabb's Don Direct
column 18 Oct 97
-- Microsoft VP of Platforms and Applications Paul Maritz,
quoted in
InfoWorld
-- Harlan Ellison
-- Harlan Ellison, commenting on the abject stupidity of modern
television executives. I-CON XVI, 5 Apr 97
-- Col. Hyrum Graff (Ender's Game, Orson Scott Card)
"So stay."
"I've lived too long with pain. I won't know who I am
without it."
-- Andrew (Ender) Wiggin, Valentine Wiggin (Ender's Game)
-- From The Onion "Experts Predict
On-Line World of 21st Century To Feature More Breasts" 18 Dec 96
-- Harold Washington, Mayor of Chicago, sometime between 1983 and 1988
-- e.e. cummings
-- Steve Dahl 10 Apr 96
-- Metrowerks CodeWarrior Home Page
-- Tim Kolar, commserver development, Cisco Systems, Inc.
--- Electronic Frontier Foundation chief
legal counsel Mike Godwin
-- MIT Media Lab's Ron Newman
-- Phil Zimmerman, on releasing "Pretty Good Privacy" (PGP)
-- Larry Wall 15 Feb 95
In article <3esdra$l60@agate.berkeley.edu> justin@physics20 (Justin R.
Bendich) writes:
: Well, that explains your attitude. Now, wait ten years until perl17 is out,
: then go back and try to figure out what that #@$!ing perl5 script does...
"Don't be silly. Perl 17 will explain it to you, and then take
questions."
-- Larry Wall, January 1995
-- Larry Wall, in the perl5 perltrap manpage
-- Larry Wall, in the Perl5.00 Configure script
-- Mike Gebis <m-gebis@uiuc.edu>
-- Doug Collins, then-head coach, Chicago Bulls, Glenbrook North H.S.
(Northbrook, IL) Loyalty Day assembly, September 1992
-- Dan Shulman (.plan file)
> This made me wonder, suddenly: can telnet be written in perl?
Of course it can be written in Perl. Now if you'd said nroff, that would be more challenging..."
-- Larry Wall
-- Larry Wall
Jason Lindquist --
<linky@see.figure1.net>